New Age Bullshit Generator
Namaste. Do you want to sell a New Age product and/or service? Tired of coming up with meaningless copy for your starry-eyed customers? Want to join the ranks of bestselling self-help authors? We can help.
Just click and the truth will manifest
Click the Reionize electrons button at the top of the page to generate a full page of New Age poppycock.
The inspiration for this idea came from watching philosophy debates with celebrity New Agers.
After sitting through hours of New Age rhetoric, I decided to have a crack at writing code to generate it automatically and speed things up a bit. I cobbled together a list of New Age buzzwords and cliché sentence patterns and this is the result.
You’ll get some profound-sounding nonsense here, too.
So, what is this for? Put it on your website as placeholder text. Print it out as a speech for your next affirmation circle and see if anyone can guess a computer wrote it. Use it to write the hottest new bestseller in the self-help section, or generate marketing copy for a new line of cheesecloth tunics or zero-point energy wands!
Looking for the comments?
There used to be a Disqus comment section here, until I discovered that their software is a cesspit of third-party tracking scripts, and I respect your privacy more than that, so I got rid of it.
The comments had been up since 2014, and like any public comment section, most of them were garbage — but here are a few favourites:
There were the occasional commenters, both positive and negative, who thought that the generator was created to poke fun at New Agey people, or even spirituality in general. That's not the case at all.
The reason I made it was to demonstrate how easy it is to fool our brains with this fact-free, emotionally-charged language that tries to bypass our rational thinking. My hope was to encourage more skepticism of this kind of discourse, and of the many charlatans who use it to pervert the human desire for transcendence and take advantage of vulnerable people for personal gain.